Friday, 25 October 2013

Is This Normal?

My life has been anything but “normal” for the last 4 months and, if I’m honest, for a long time before that too. I was talking to a friend yesterday and I told her that I just wanted life to be normal again where you can get up, go on with your day and not worry about anything, not have a heaviness that threatens to overwhelm constantly, and not wonder what the hek your future now looks like. This new normal is not where I want to be and definitely not where I want to stay. And yet, this is where I am and there is nothing I can do about it. It’s something I must go through. I know that and yet I want to fight it. I want to run and scream and hide! I actually would prefer mundane and boring at this point. No stress...no crazy thoughts...no tears...no pain. I want to relax, be comfortable and enjoy life and there are moments that I forget about things, but they are just that, moments. Not minutes, not hours, not days...just moments. When you go through something like this, you often look back and wonder how your life got to this place. Where was that TSN turning point? Where did life take that 90 degree turn for the worse? Did I miss something? How could love turn so ugly so fast? Was there ever really any love at all? But the answers do not come...not yet. I look forward to the day when I can look back and see with 20/20 sight and know why these things happened and what purpose they could have possibly served. Until that time, I fall back on a verse that I’ve memorized knowing that things will get better (and sometimes, I even have to have my friends remind me when I just feel like I can’t possibly go on any longer). It’s a promise from Someone who loves me unconditionally (the only One who can love me unconditionally, actually).  

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. -- Jeremiah 29:11 

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